Artist, Alexi Panos alexipanos.com
This week, I am not going to talk about your stuff, I am going to talk about mine!
Tonight, I drove a new friend by my old childhood grief..or rather the house I grew up in. Amazingly, I did not feel the familiar grip of pain that while driving down Harold Avenue in Golden Valley, Minnesota, until this evening, had always plagued me. It has been a long while since I’ve been by my childhood home.
When my parents split up and my dad moved out, my mother thought it time I leave as well. I was asked to move out of the house on a hill when I was just 15 for being too much, too sensitive, too emotional, too physical, too verbal, too honest, too me.
And..to be fair, I’m sure I was a lot to deal with for my mom, what with all of my jagged edges, sensory issues, my talk of and response to unclaimed emotions and of course, my loud reaction to all of the dead people floating around. The elephant in the room didn’t stand a chance of remaining silent with a medium in residence.
Though I’ve always been loving and affectionate toward my friends, for years, when it came to deserving love, I unconsciously thought it was something that I had to earn through good behavior, to deserve.
I now know that I wasn’t a handful, I was a heartful. I’ve worked really hard at plowing through my stuff but I know that there is always more to learn, always deeper colors to be had. This last retrograde grabbed me by my stuff and plunged me ever willingly, forward.
The beautiful work of art at the top of this blog, by Alexi Panos to me, says so much about how our little-child-self and our childhood pain plays a role, every single day in our relationships. And I am not referring to simply romantic relationships.
We are all moving through this life to grow and relationships of all kinds are a key part of that journey. There are no bad guys here, just people working toward a brighter, more colorful soul.
Years ago I learned something important about people pleasing and this retrograde brought up reasons for me to remember. People pleasing costs soul, love and friendship should not.
As much as I want to be loved, approved of and accepted, if love is always contingent on my doing what someone else wants versus what I truly need, it’s not worth it.
Jagged edges and all I have found a way to be happy and most of the time I feel balanced. When I don’t, repeating affirmations brings me back to neutral.
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Affirmations generate Transformation- ©2015 Jodi Livon
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Affirmations generate Transformation- ©2015 Jodi Livon
© 2015 Jodi Livon | © The Intuitive Coach | © The Happy Medium
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