Scared Speechless

I was keeping my cool. Holding it together. Not talking about it. Nevertheless, I was scared speechless.

The scan indicated a potential problem in my lungs. The radiologist didn’t think it looked like cancer, but due to my history of breast cancer, I had a follow-up CT scheduled a few months later. There I was again, with an IV in my arm, chemicals infused, me in a tube. Thankfully, nothing had changed.

Before the sigh of relief could leave my cancer-free lungs, my eyes clung to the words “mass” and “belly.” The CT had picked up a small mass of unknown origin in my belly. My oncology team was not alarmed, though they did schedule another CT for early the next week.

The waiting was painful and would have been excruciating had it not been for my amazing family, friends and medical oncology team. Nevertheless, I was scared speechless again when scenes from the days that had led up to my being diagnosed with cancer sailed through my mind. My intuition told me everything was alright, but my fear screamed otherwise.

Most of the people I know who have made it through a cancer diagnosis say it is never really over. Every small thing could be a big thing. It is difficult to find peace in that yet I am determined to do so. What helps is to process with family, friends, and professionals…and to write. I write to release the part of me that is speechless.

Emotional anniversaries can be electric to the system. The upcoming anniversary of the day I was diagnosed with breast cancer, August 6, 2021, was approaching. My emotional system was doing overtime. And then thankfully, I received some good news.

As I write this blog, rushes of relief and appreciation flow through me. I am relieved to say the mass was found to be of no concern. My body is doing its thing to adjust to the multitude of surgeries and the chemo it endured in a 12 month period. I am dearly grateful for the good news.

(Me and my Rock…AKA husband Jason at M-Health in MPLS.)

Personally, I feel somewhat like a superhero! I’m alive and still kicking!

And my intuition, well, it has always been a dear friend. As I evolve, so too does it. I watch, feel, and tune into all the new signals and signs that bless my life. I do not always like the direction I am led, though I will say that things have typically turned out well when followed. However, it may take time for this truth to be made evident.

As you begin to take notice of signs, coincidences, and serendipitous occurrences, the energy of the Divine will embrace you from the inside out.

Whatever you are going through, know that you are not alone. Keep going.

On days when your skin is turned inside out and your heart is raw, know that you are Divinely loved and protected. You are a superhero, and your superpower is your sensitivity.

Give your boundaries a boost by remembering that even when you feel bad, you are worthy of all the good the Universe has to offer. Allow appreciation for this to move in and through you and watch as the essence of it sparks your light.

Know that the things that have always brought you peace may change.

You have shifted. You’ve grown and expanded beyond old thoughts and beliefs. The world is bigger and the new you is already embracing it.

Make a conscious choice over and over to choose the lighter thought or at least less yucky one. This alters your vibration and truly changes your life.

You are a loved child of the Universe. Today make a choice to lean into your soul and add light to everything you think do and say. Know that when you walk you never really walk alone… The Universe has your back.

Here are a few options to help you lighten things up by shifting your vibe!

Affirmations! When poetry meets intuition your thoughts are reset and your energy lifts!